I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
