just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
