chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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