I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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