My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
