It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
