I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
