hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
