i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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