you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
They took my balls.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
