I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
