There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I could fuck to npr.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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