she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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