The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
