I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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