Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
