you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
