I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
