Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he thought i was a dude.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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