so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
