I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
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