i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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