I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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