Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
