i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
