I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
