Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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