she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
