Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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