also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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