Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
