I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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