A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
