That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
