Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
