Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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