I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
