Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
