Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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