Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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