i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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