dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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