I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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