So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
