Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
