I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
