Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
