i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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