you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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