Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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