hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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