Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
