She is in my trunk
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I understand Curling. That high.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
