She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
