...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
