Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
