Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
