When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
